Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts

Tuesday, 29 October 2013

Love Relates


Love relates.

Love is about relating to another person.

Love is ever changing and growing, it is a continuum. You cannot be in a hurry to love or know another person. In relating to another we journey through a process of discovery. We come to a deep knowing. As soon as we try to use the structure of relationship to know and predict we do not allow each other the freedom to exist as we are, to love and be loved.

In a state of not loving, we live in a vacuum, feeling empty unseen and unknown .

When we learn to Relate to another we avoid taking each other for granted which is the source of much pain and suffering.

When a person speaks for their partner, thinking that they know the other so well, they   step out of relating into a construct or perception of the relationship and each other, rather than the discovery of one another. This is not relating.  It is impossible to know another completely.

 Love is not about conquering or controlling through being able to define and name another.

Not being grateful destroys love, it is insulting and disrespectful. In these moments you  step out of the present into the past trying to predict the future, worrying about things that may never occur.

When we relate we are consistently learning about the other, we remain curious and alert. We are able to see the multi facets of the other, allowing a depth to our experiences of relating, being and consciousness. Relating is a joyful experience. The exploration of consciousness is LOVE.

Do not reduce your relating into a stagnant ‘knowing’. Otherwise the other person becomes a mirror to you distorted by your wounds.

Through exploring another person you excavate your own inner recesses. By Travelling deeper into another person’s experiences, feelings, thoughts and dreams’ you will come to know your own essence. Love is about continually searching and seeking another.

Discovering new ways of loving one another and being with each other is LOVE. In this process both people remain an inexhaustible mystery.

Love then becomes a constant adventure of relating.

Love more today by becoming conscious of how you relate to another person.

Friday, 6 September 2013

30 days to consciously bring love into your life. Day Six


30 days to consciously bring love into your life.

 

www.livingfromtheheart.co.uk

Each day I will be giving you exercises, tools and tips to help you live from the heart to improve your relationships and attract more love into your life.

Day six: Open to receive Love


‘Our minds can shape the way a thing will be because we act according to our expectations’

Many people have not been taught how to receive, it is an innate skill. It’s never too late to unlearn the conditioning that veils your ability to open up and experience love, joy and aliveness.

Your task today is to become aware of how you create blocks to receiving today.

Ask yourself what do you deserve? You may find some beliefs about yourself and others that prevent you from aligning yourself to allow more love into your life. Be aware of how you respond to others when they show love and affection. Do you get uncomfortable when someone shows you kindness or gives you a compliment?

How you respond is exactly how you treat the people that love you.

Notice what happens when you think of making positive shifts in your life? Whether it is in your career, financial, love or relationship situation, does fear arise? If so you are holding onto a belief that will limit your ability to receive.

Consciously invite the fear to surface and spend some time listening to it. Experience it in your body do not judge it, allow it to be in the room with you,  pour love, compassion and understanding onto this part as you would with a young child to help them heal and grow.

Your daily experience of Love begins with being open to receive as much as you are able to give Love.

30 days to consciously bring love into your life. Day Five


30 days to consciously bring love into your life.

www.livingfromtheheart.co.uk

Each day I will be giving you exercises, tools and tips to help you live from the heart to improve your relationships and attract more love into your life.

Day Five: Get in touch with your emotions.



There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophy.'

Awareness of your physical body can help you tap into your emotional self, shifting your focus from outside to inside.

Your body is a direct reflection of your emotional body. Listen to your body and respond accordingly – f you feel tired take time out to relax. If you have an abundance of energy use your body, if you feel a creative pull go and create something paint, write, draw, and move.

Feelings are experienced in your body; an awareness of your bodily state can enhance your ability to identify your feelings.

 

Practice: Make a scan of your body, Sitting or lying down in a comfortable position (savasana is corpse pose lying flat on the ground arms by your side legs about hip width apart.), take a moment to consciously take in several deep breathes and relax. Close your eyes and bring your focus to this present moment and your physical self. There is no need to try to do anything – just be present and passive. If you need to move to get more comfortable do so if you feel the need to tense a certain body part in order to let go of tension then do whatever brings greater comfort and ease.  Begin scanning your body by drawing your attention to any part of your body that asks for attention.  Beginning perhaps with your head, face, jaw, eyes, ears, and skull. Tune in to what is happening here. What do you notice? Do your best to remain as passive and non-judgmental as possible. You are encouraged to become an objective observer of your experience. At the same time, carefully observe your head, both deep inside and on a surface level. If you notice tension, tightness or contracted muscles, consciously release and relax those areas.

As you feel ready, progress down to your neck, shoulders upper and lower arms and torso. Again, notice what is happening in your heart.  Carefully observe your back, spine and chest area, both deep inside them and on the surface. Again, if you notice tension, tightness or contracted muscles, consciously release and relax those areas. Progress now to your abdomen and notice what is occurring here. From there, move on to your lower abdomen, hips, pelvis, buttocks and thighs. Next, focus on your legs and feet. Once you have finished focus on your hands and fingers. Finish this exercise by taking a few more deep breaths and turning your awareness back to your entire physical self, which includes all of the parts on which you have been focusing.

 
https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Living-from-The-Heart/110918608974105
 

30 days to consciously bring love into your life. Day two


30 days to consciously bring love into your life.

www.livingfromtheheart.co.uk

Each day I will be giving you exercises, tools and tips to help you live from the heart to improve your relationships and attract more love into your life.

Day two: Share your gratitude

Share your gratitude list with a partner, loved ones, and cherished friends. Let them feel your positive energy. Invite them to share with you what they are grateful for in their lives and count your blessings together. The more you are grateful for the blessings in your life, the more blessings you will receive in response to your vibration of gratitude. Often in relationships we do not take the time to tell our loved one how grateful we are. Make a commitment to change this.

This is a universe law. Being happy does not make us grateful, being grateful always creates happiness.  Express gratitude for all the relationships and situations that did not work out, embrace the lessons you learned, be grateful for your growth, trust and believe in your heart that you are always moving towards more supportive and loving relationships to develop in your life.

Your gratitude list is a bridge across those troubled waters to a resting place on the other side.

https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Living-from-The-Heart/110918608974105

30 days to consciously bring love into your life. Day One



30 days to consciously bring love into your life.

www.livingfromtheheart.co.uk

Each day I will be giving you exercises, tools and tips to help you live from the heart to improve your relationships and attract more love into your life.


'When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.' Lao Tzu

Day one: Begin a daily Practice of Gratitude

Today spend time throughout the day giving thanks for all that is going right in your life. Too often we dwell on what is going wrong. When we complain we weaken our resolve and ability to find solutions. Dwell on what works in your life today.
Make a list of everything you are grateful for. Begin with I am grateful for...
This practice gains momentum when practiced with patience over time.

Notice your distractions.  Evoke feelings of gratitude as you write - do not worry if it does not come easily. Enjoy the feelings when they arrive, feel them deeply in each cell of your body.

https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Living-from-The-Heart/110918608974105

Sunday, 25 August 2013

How many times have you been mistaken?

How many times have you been mistaken after believing that what you knew was the truth, the only truth? It creates obstacles to growth, there is no room for change within the self, relationships, or our environments.
Keep an open mind and be aware that what you know might not be the truth and what you know is only one perspective.

The Cookie Thief
“A woman was waiting at an airport one night,
With several long hours before her flight.
She hunted for a book in the airport shops.
Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.
She was engrossed in her book but happened to see,
That the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be.
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between,
Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene.
So she munched the cookies and watched the clock,
As the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock.
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by,
Thinking, “If I wasn’t so nice, I would blacken his eye.”
With each cookie she took, he took one too,
When only one was left, she wondered what he would do.
With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh,
He took the last cookie and broke it in half.
He offered her half, as he ate the other,
She snatched it from him and thought… oooh, brother.
This guy has some nerve and he’s also rude,
Why he didn’t even show any gratitude!
She had never known when she had been so galled,
And sighed with relief when her flight was called.
She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate,
Refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate.
She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat,
Then she sought her book, which was almost complete.
As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise,
There was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes.
If mine are here, she moaned in despair,
The others were his, and he tried to share.
Too late to apologize, she realized with grief,
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief.”
Valerie Cox

Saturday, 13 August 2011

Embracing the Shadow – an evolution of consciousness

Archetypes lie latent in times of peace, like a volcano.
When violence breaks out they are activated and consume anything and everyone that crosses their path.
It is hard not to notice unrest in the word at the moment; it’s everywhere, from economic depression and inflation, the earth shifting on its axis, extreme weather conditions.

There are rapid changes taking place in the world environmentally, politically, personally and globally. It is no secret that unless we learn to deal with these changes we run the risk of being consumed by anxiety and dis -ease.

The collective unconscious is shared by us all. A brimming reservoir filled with archetypes of the whole of humanity shared from birth.

Love and Fear, are two basic emotions. They arise without conscious motive, but simply from necessity to survive. The content of the archetype is basically unconscious. Transformation occurs when they become conscious or when they are being perceived.

Transformation relies on the state of consciousness of individuals within which archetypes have emerged. An archetype can be experienced as image or as emotion.
Archetypes cannot be brushed aside. They will always manifest.
When a society undergoes a change the manifestations of archetypes will alter.

Archetypes are highly contagious, they trigger our own patterns of wrong doings while we go on wrong doing; the cycle of hate and revenge alternates. Man does to others what is done to him; he is forced to take sides. And so a split occurs. This spit is the cause of much suffering.

'The psychological rule says that when an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside as fate. That is to say, when the individual remains undivided and does not become conscious of his inner opposite, the world must perforce act out the conflict and be torn into opposing halves' (Jung)

It’s time to wake up and be conscious.

Many people rely on gaining an illusionary sense of stability and confidence from external sources.There are more reliable tools for developing a sense of well being, and internal strength.A tangible immediate sense of reality does not rely on what we experience in the external world, but that which comes from within and is authentic.
The first step on this journey of integrating the shadow is to encourage people to transform their challenges and crises into opportunities for growth.

In times of crisis, people look for someone or something to blame for unrest.
"The sombre fact is that we are the cruellest and most ruthless species that has ever walked this earth; and that, although we may recoil in horror when we read in the newspapers or history books of the atrocities committed by man upon man, we know in our hearts that each one of us harbours within himself those same savage impulses which lead to murder, to torture and to war." ‘Human Aggression’ Anthony Storr (1968)

Ahimsa - Non-violence, Satya -is an expression of Truth and purity of power

"With Satya (Truth) combined with Ahimsa (Non-violence) you can bring the world to your feet… no institution can be made non-violent by compulsion. Non-violence and truth cannot be written into constitution. They have to be adopted of one's own free will. They must sit naturally upon us like next-to-skin garments or else they become a contradiction in terms.
Mahatma Gandhi

Violence is rooted in our consciousness. With reflection and awareness we can become conscious of the world we create. Firstly be acknowledging of how our inner judgements create conflict. There is no peace for those who have not conquered the shadow that lies within.

The two most powerful and negative expressions of power through humanity have been violence and greed. Aggression is an unavoidable facet of human life. Territorial rights demand the use of aggression. Wars between individuals and groups have not only been about territories, resources, and succession, but also about ideologies-religious and other. There have been differing atrocities through time many in the name of hate, religion, territory; they have all brought suffering and hatred.
Historically acts of greed and violence have had tragic consequences for individuals and those around them. The people involved have entered an altered state not about transformation or growth but a repetition of negative behaviour and the continuation of old structures that do not work. This exemplifies a negative use of power.

Aggression does not reflect human nature. It is the unconscious that separates us from our deeper nature. Targeting people or situations outside ourselves instead of looking within and taking responsibility for our shadow whether it is collective or individual prevents growth.
The riots during August in London became a playground for the unconsciousness.
The individual psyche in each of us is always moving towards health. Our deepest nature is not bestial, but divine.

Suffering is caused by holding onto anything, which no longer serves us. At a base level hate and aggression can be used as an outlet for the outrage of being separated or disconnected from others and ourselves. Because of the extreme discomfort of disconnection hate becomes another separating experience adding to a vicious cycle.

Hate and violence blocks a deep loving connection with ourselves and others. The world may appear more dangerous. More energy goes into defending and protecting which reinforces separation driving people further away from a conscious connection with the true self, connecting with the bestial, primitive survival instincts and a movement away from evolution.

The shadow represents the repressed instinctual energies that are locked away in the realm of the unconscious. They do not die or cease to function, but they are no longer directly expressed through conscious activity, they are enacted unconsciously sometimes with great force as demonstrated during the riots in London in August.

When we become polarised we become like magnets drawing towards us the opposite pole. We invariably attract those who embody our rejected shadow as partners, employers, colleagues, or neighbours who appear in our lives in relationships we cannot easily escape. If we have rejected our personal power others they will become tyrants.

We all need love and affection, needing to be heard and validated for who we are, and needing to feel safe and secure emotionally are some basic needs that allow us to grow up and function as a healthy adults. Many people have experienced some interruption in having their needs met while growing up. Many young people are aware that they are fast approaching adulthood, where they will no longer be protected by their parents and will become part of a dangerous and competitive world of peers.

Each of us has the capacity to make choices, in recognising this capacity we become conscious and empowered. An individual who has led a fulfilling life can slip and in a single moment cross a moral and ethical line that can destroy their ability to make choices and in some cases have them taken away. We have all read articles about the law abiding individuals that have been caught up in the riot. It is also possible for an individual who has been a source destruction and pain to others and themselves to make a transformation and make conscious choices in a more fulfilling direction.
The capacity for committing acts of violence lies dormant within us all. It is the ego that controls and keeps the 'bestial’ or ‘animal’ locked away; Jung termed this the 'shadow'.

Shadow projection is a mechanism to turn the 'other’ into the devil. (Scapegoating )Throughout time this has been used to justify war and violence and ill treatment.

Jung warned that all mass movements need to be treated with care and suspicion. The total psyche of the group functions below the level of the individual psyche, which sinks to a level of mob mentality. The visceral thrill is palpable by the crowds, watching and wanting to be part of something larger than themselves. Many people who got involved are caught in the moment of crowd mentality, swept up in a mania, an altered reality where certain types of behaviour is normalised.

The collective experience as a member of a group, takes place at a lower level of consciousness than if one had the experience alone. In a crowd, individuals are open to become victims of suggestibility committing acts of criminality and violence. Conversely groups can have positive effects if the energy is channelled in the right direction; it encourages individuals into performing heroic tasks, human solidarity being one of the greater examples. This has demonstrated with the clean ups after the wake of destruction, communities reclaiming their territory.
In a crowd one feels no responsibility or fear. As soon as an individual is removed from the crowd they are unable to create the previous state of mind.

As long as the shadow within us is not integrated, people will live within the constraints of archetypal instinctive aggression. As long as individuals do not deal with their personal shadow they will get drawn into the collective shadow and displace or project it onto others. It is blindness to abdicate moral sense, and to conceive evil as always outside the individual as well as the group.
These are some of the more common examples of how the shadow translates into symptom (and vice versa).

Symptom
Resentment of outside pressure
Rejection (“Nobody likes me”)
Guilt (“You make me feel guilty”)
Anxiety
Self-consciousness
Fear (“they want to hurt me”)
Sad
Withdrawn
I can’t
Obligation (“I have to”)
Desire
Hatred
Envy (“You’re so great”)


Shadow
Drive
Rejection (“I reject them”)
Resentment (of another’s demands)
Excitement
Outward focus (on others)
Hostility (“I’m angry and attacking.”)
Mad
Rejecting
“I won’t!”
(“I want to.”)
Self-hatred
“I’m better than I realize.”


‘The Integral Vision: A Very Short Introduction to the Revolutionary Integral Approach to Life, God, the Universe, and Everything’ Ken Wilber (2007)

When we come face to face with the darker aspects of humanity, metaphors through out time have provided a buffer in describing these encounters: the dark night of the soul, meeting your demons, skeletons in the closet, wrestling with the devil, having a riot…

Shadow work brings these parts of ourselves into the light of the day where we can accept, understand and integrate these hidden drives feelings, needs and potentials. They then become a part of us in a healthy whole way.

‘How do you find a lion that has swallowed you?’ Jung on the Shadow

The shadow by its definition is the unconscious that to which we have no access to. When we act without any real understanding, we feel an overwhelming urge or compulsion.
In order to meet the shadow the first step is to recognise its existence, allowing us to beak its compulsive hold.

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour.
William Blake

What are the solutions?
The first step is of integration of all aspects of the personality, which is called the individuation process. The process of Individuation involves a person, integrating the contents of their psyche whilst being conscious. Leading to a discovery of the self, this has been described as divine and or authentic, the dark night of the soul.

Jung believed that reconciliation is possible when the two moral opposing poles are brought together. There is a second phase that Jung called the transcendental function. The transcendent function is the core of Jung's theory of psychological growth and the heart of what he called individuation, the process by which one is guided in a teleological way towards the person one is meant to be. The model suggests that psychological growth occurs through dialogue with the unconscious. This process has the capacity to balance what has been polarised within us.
Jung comes close to describing the Vedantic concept that the phenomenal word is illusion (Maya).
‘The universe exists in order that the experiencer may experience it, thus become liberated’
How to know god: the yoga Aphorisms of Pantanjali by Patanjali, Swami Prabhavananda and Christopher Isherwood (1969)


An exploration of the shadow in relationships will be taking place in North London 26th - 27th November 2011
It is open to couples and individuals.

Embracing the Shadow in Relationships